god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
