trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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