I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
