Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
