so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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