I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
