Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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