You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
