This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
