Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
