I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
