Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize