Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
