I just threw up on my dentist
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize