dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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