If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
