dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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