conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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