i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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