please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
