Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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