it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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