I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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