you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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