so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
