Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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