I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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