Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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