When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
