How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize