The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
