Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
