those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
