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I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Shame - the story of my life.
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