So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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