As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
