They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
