This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize