you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
