foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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