I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
