we have officially lost it.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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