uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
