Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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