Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize