i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
