Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
