my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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