I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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