so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
