Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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