That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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