Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
