the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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