help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
