Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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