If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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