i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Randomize
