my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm having to shit out rocks
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