New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize