ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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