No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
