Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
