My hand turned me down
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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