You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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