There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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