She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
