I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
