Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
it hurts more in the daytime
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
