Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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