Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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